Hiatus

I'm going home tomorrow! I'll try to post every so often till i return (if i do), but meanwhile, consider me on hiatus!

Tata all~

And thanks guys for the excellent party last night

I'll be back before u know it!

Amazing

My life, 3 years ago, as summed up in this particular comic strip:

Max and Lily

That was after a bad break up with one of the people i was dating for a while

This Tops It All

Just had the weirdest night teaching my little cousin about the birds and the bees. Except my little young cousin is a 14 year old walking ball of raging hormones, and only wanted to know about the bees.

Since he's the only gay cousin i have, and i'm the only one who can hold a conversation with him about topics in gay culture, he somehow came to the conclusion that i would be the best person to explain to him how gay men have sex.

It's a bit hard for him to get porn vcds on gay sex in Malaysia cause first of all, he lives in Ipoh, which is a bit rural, and second of all, because porn is illegal here. And if caught surfing pron websites, it seems you could get your internet line disconnected. AND gay people just aren't that common in Ipoh.

I never want to go through that again.

In fact, next time i'll just toss him into an orgy, he'll learn fast enough.

I had to tell him everything i knew. Everything. Condoms. Dental dams. Loosening up the ass. Rimjobs. Fingering. Orgies. Fuck Buds. Whatever. Well...to tell the truth i didn't tell him eeeeeverything.... But enough. He'll learn. To top it off, I had to teach him skincare too.

By the time he hits 16 he should be an expert. He has a very rational/scientific way of thinking. Once he accepted his homosexuality, he wanted to know every fucking thing about it so, in his own words, he'd be ready.

I feel like a scapegoat/ victim/ sacrificial lamb.

I want need a drink.

Now.

Rip Off

It's Hari Raya over here in Malaysia, a festive season the Muslims celebrate. So there will be open house parties. And with attendance to these parties, there will be the pre-requisite gifts to bring along.

Guess what we bring? No, really just guess. What would you bring? Cause we bring figs, and i'm not so sure how normal that is.

Of course if you look at it as bringing fruits as a gift it sounds tons better.

But figs?

And figs, each individually decorated in delicate wrapping, and set in a velvet casing too at that. It's something i will never understand. James' parents brought the same thing too, as did many other guests, so it must be normal...but figs?

These bloody figs cost around RM400. That's roughly converted, around 400 coca cola canned drinks. There are maybe a dozen figs in the velvet case.

You could buy sacks and sacks and sacks, in fact, you could probably clean out an entire fruit shop of their figs with RM400.

I don't mean to sound like a tightwad i understand some things are in the name of Hari Raya, but this is starting to feel as over-hyped as Christmas shopping. Or are we just being ripped-offed here for looking like tourists? I really would like to know.

Me? Attitude? Oh Really?

I've been told i have an attitude problem. Really? How's that?

I don't give a shit what people think about me.

I can stand up for myself I don't need help.

I don't care what anyone has done.

What matters is who they are.

I speak my mind.

I do what i want.

I date who i want.

I wear whatever i want.

I don't care about my culture?

That's due to a varied ancestry.

It's sort of hard to keep track of them.

English-Greek-American, Punjabi-Italian.

You try living all those cultures. In one life.

I will spend my money on my own choices.

You ask me a question and you get the truth.

So, honestly, if you can't handle truth, don't ask .

I don't like fast food i don't like television i don't like pop. So?

I speak with an accent. Oh and that makes me a snob, apparently.

Cross your mind that's cause i've spent more years in America than Malaysia?

I don't give salesmen with donation boxes money. And I don't care who's apparently dying.

I'll rather do charity with established, licensed associations, alright? Not people with photographs.

I will verbally attack anyone who ticks me off. I will be very good at it. Don't take me on if you aren't.

The only people who possibly don't apply to all of the above are my parents. For obvious, and strangely cultural, reasons of respect and love for them. And because honestly, i put them through enough shock recently to last them throughout the rest of their lives.

So if i don't call u mom or dad, smarten up, and don't piss me off.

Photo Time

Mom: Oh that's a lovely photo. Are those your friends?

Me : *Thinks to self- 'Oh Shit"*....Oh yeah mom yeah..

Mom: That's quite a good looking young man. Are you...Why don't you...

Me : I did mom. He's Kendrik. The guy you read about on the internet.

Pause.

Mom: Right. Oh- She looks like a nice young woman.

Me : Yeah...he's really nice to talk to. Rubies remember? The one who stayed with me few years back

Another pause while mother realises my ex-roommate is biologically male.

Mom: *still trying* The girl next to you, she must be Lis, your good friend! Is she seeing anyone yet?

Me : Ummm....sure, yeah..*thinks to self- your daughter.*

I'm kissing her on the cheek in the photo. And have my arm around her. Please, God, now is not the time for her to realise exactly what my hand is doing there.

Mom: Someone in this picture?

Me : *time for topic change* Oh she used to date this guy! Reade!

Mom: Oh what a coincidence! You used to date someone called...called...too..

Pause.

Mom:Well I suppose that could be expected, since you share the same circle of friends.

Me :Right.

Mom: And is that Dylan? My, his hair has grown...I remember when you two used to date.

Me :Yeah...The person he's dating prefers him that way.

Mom:Really? Who? Do i know her?

Me :Umm...That will be a yes. Rubies.

Pause.

Me :RIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCC GET OVER HERE!!!

Ric pops over

Ric :What? *sees photos*...Oh.

Mom :Am I missing something here?

Yes. My silent plea for help.

Ric :MoOoooOoomm...Jessie's dated everyone in that photo.

Me :What? No No No Mom That's Not True!

I didn't date Rubies, so i'm not exactly lying. There are like 12 people in that damn photo.

Ric :*grin* I was just kidding.

Die useless bastard die.I hate photo time.

Social Bugs #1

Want to gain attention? Just some socialising tactics i've come to notice among malaysians i thought i'd share:

The Focus Tactic:

The focus tactic is done this way. First be in familiar territory, whereby it's likely someone you know will come along, like in your college. Find your target. The purpose of this tactic is to make her aware that she does want your attention after all. This tactic only works if she's alone, and preferably stationary. ie: not heading off to the cafeteria to look for her friends.

Slither, i mean slide, up to your target. Engage her in conversation. As the name of the tactic suggests, focus completely on her, but not in a creepy way. Talk about everything and anything under the sun, the topic doesn't necessary have to be about her as long as you have her attention. Make sure she's really into the conversation (charming creature that you are i'm sure you do have some capability of holding your own in a conversation, right?). Of course, make sure you do Not sound like a gibbering airhead talking about irrelevant things like how much water a balloon can hold.

The moment someone else, preferably someone your target can regard as competition comes along, completely turn your attention around to competition. Introduce competition and target, so target won't leave so easily. Employ focus tactic on competition this time, but only for a while. Don't look in target's direction for as long as you can without appearing too rude, merely so much more interested in the competition's company and what she has to say.

Now you aren't looking over at your target, but if you're good enough at this, she should be feeling slightly left out, but not miffed, because after all you were just approaching her as a friend and not as a potential date. She might not know what to do asides from sit there slightly awkward, waiting for you to get back to her. If you refer to her every so often while talking to competition, she can't exactly not pay attention to your conversation, otherwise she'll be aware she looks socially inept. On the other hand, if she doesn't do something else, she'll feel socially inept unless she can jump into the conversation. The whole point of making sure the target isn't heading off to the cafeteria in the first place is solely because of this part. You do not want her to say: Okay then, i guess i'll be on my way now.

Either way, unless she's very sociable and can find her way out of this situation, sooner or later she'd want you to give her a lil more attention. I've seen this tactic being used. Most of the time they even arrange that i'll walk by at a certain time to intimidate by being the competition.

It's a cheap tactic, and mainly used by guys who aren't seen as anything beyond that helpful classmate by the target girl. The target girl will eventually end up being aware that for a while, she wanted his attention. Which guys usually hope will help up them a little on her social ladder. It usually doesn't work, and effects are mostly temporary so they have to work fast and be good at it, but do they know that? ;)

Actually, i posted up this tactic so girls here will be aware of it. Honestly the amount of girls that have fallen for it is ridiculous. Tactic does not work as well, or as obviously, on guys. This being a social tactic means whoever tries to employ it is a bit of a slime. Of course, this slime had better have the social skills to deal with any unexpected circumstances that might arise. As they say, Go with the flow.

And no, i don't use this tactic (couldn't you tell?).

There'll Be Sad Songs

Malaysians must be quite a chirpy lot then. Hardly anyone seems to know any of the classic 'sad songs'. Most people know REM- Everybody Hurts, Eric Clapton- Tears in Heaven, Sarah McLachlan- I Will Remember You, but i still haven't met anyone else who knows the mother of all sad songs- Gloomy Sunday. A lot of singers have covered the songs, originally written in Hungarian, including Sarah McLachlan, Sinead O' Connor, Sarah Brightman and Billie Holiday. Needless to say, they didn't sing in Hungarian. But I'm sure my dear readers can logically deduct that right?

Many suicides have been linked to this song. Apparently the writer commited suicide. I wouldn't know anything about that. But i do know it's a damned shame so many people do not know about this song. Here I present the lyrics as loosely translated from the original Hungarian version, before it got jazzed up by all the covers:

Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless.

Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless.

Little white flowers will never awaken you,

Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.

Angels have no thought of ever returning you.

Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday.

Gloomy is Sunday; with shadows I spend it all.

My heart and I have decided to end it all.

Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are sad, I know.

Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you.

With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you.

Gloomy Sunday.

Signing off with a picture of Sinead O' Connor. Get the message James?

:D

Yow

Dzejla Glavovic. Winner of Ms. Earth 2002. Need i say more?

Kiasu

Malaysians like to use one word in particular to describe that particular breed of people who don't sharpen their pencils so it lasts longer. That particular breed that eats every pathetic morsel they can get off the buffet table because they paid to eat all they can. That particular breed whose kids started talking/ walking/ spelling before your kid did. The word? Kiasu.

Kiasu is a chinese word in the hokkien dialect which means "scared to lose". It means they have to juice all the advantages they can out of every situation. Their cars must be bigger, shinier, and best of all, pricier. Their clothes must be Armani among the Gap. They want the Tags amongst the Swatches. Their kids have better grades than yours. Their house is better. Or so they try.

If you obviously outclass someone who is kiasu, regardless of what you wear or own, beware. Spite will inevitably follow. They will nitpick. You're prettier? You must be anorexic. You eat in front of them? Then you must be bulimic. You don't leave them for that suspicious 5 minutes where you could have thrown up within 2 hours of eating? You're acting. Or you've had plastic surgery. Or you're too lucky and don't deserve it and anyone with your resources like say, the kiasu person's daughter, would have done so much better in life. And not only that, you'll probably marry someone who's only after your family money.

Around kiasu people, the best solution is not to retaliate, but just dwell in that lovely glow you get sitting among people you know you surpass in everything they wish you didn't. They will say something to maybe hint you're anorexic like "oh it's so nice of you to have dinner with us it must be nice to eat once in a while". Let them. They will get a satisfied look that will eventually fade to disgruntlement as they realise that not only is it not working, no one gives a shit except to think to themselves what a crass comment, and you emerge the winner above it all in your saintly halo of patient self righteousness.

Tomorrow, the gossip will spread. With each phone call comes an opportunity for spiteful and wronged housewives to get their own back at the kiasu ones. By next week, you will be the nice girl who dined with a couple of crass kiasu asses. This should help negate the gossip that initially spread when during the 9th when you yelled at some woman who mistreated her maids. People will think gee, that must have been exaggerated. She handled the dinner rather well.

Bask in ensuing result of better overall image. Oh fickle society, if only you knew how i toy with you.